Tell Me Your Troubles and Doubts
by cinderstellabella
Summary: Basically what I thought could have happened if Jesse came back to school over break after hearing all of Beca's messages. Beca/Jesse


Authors Note: In my world, I think Jesse shouldn't have given up on Beca. I know he worked super hard to even be her friend, but I hoped that he caught on that something was really wrong. Like she put up walls to keep everyone out, but she had been waiting for someone to tear them down.

I'd like to think that he got all of her messages and came back to the University to talk to her after the dinner he had with his family. It obviously didn't happen because he stayed mad at her until the last five minutes, but for some reason Jesse doesn't seem the type of guy to throw in the towel that easy.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

"_Oh God_," Beca said, hastily wiping her eyes while the tears streamed down her face.

She slammed her computer shut and turned the lights back on, ejecting the DVD from the drive and chucking it across the room at the wall.

She wouldn't be one of those lame girls who had some sort of romantic epiphany while watching a sappy movie. She promised herself that she would be different; she didn't need a boyfriend. A friend. Anyone.

"What am I doing with my life right now?" Beca threw her pillow over her head and turned towards the wall, snuggling farther into the fortress of pillows she insisted on bringing with her.

Jesse. This was his fault. If it weren't for him, she wouldn't be wasting a perfectly good night watching a stupid movie that she sort-of-hated-but-not-really when she could be working on her music. Her future.

To be honest, Beca never wanted to like this place. She wanted to hate it; hate the Bellas, Jesse, and being so close to her Dad. She didn't, though. Frankly, she felt quite the opposite. She had never pictured her future anywhere than Los Angeles. But now? All she can picture is fixing her royal screw up with her new best friends, and Jesse.

How was it that he was so convincing? He annoyed the hell out of her for the first month she was here, coming to her rescue every time she didn't need it. Then all of a sudden, she found him strangely charming, in a cliché 80's movie kind of way.

They had something really great. She knew that, and she knew she screwed it up big time. She had already left about fifteen voicemails, hoping that maybe he didn't have reception or he had accidentally left his phone in his room. But she knew neither of those were the case. She knew he was ignoring her. He had every right to, she would probably ignore her too.

Beca wasn't thinking when she yelled at him. She wasn't thinking at all. And she should've, since he seemed to be the only one to stick around long enough to try and break down the brick walls she built into skyscrapers so long ago.

Beca groaned into her pillows, blindly searching for the clicker to her computer. When she pressed play, 'No Diggity' came blaring through the system.

"Damn it."

She wouldn't cry. She was strong. She was independent. She didn't need anyone.

But she did, and the choked up weeping sounds she heard coming from her mouth weren't even recognizable. Her friends hated her, Jesse hated her, and her Dad probably hated her, too.

A loud knock pulled her from her bed. It was probably just an RA. Not even bothering to fix herself, she walked to the door and yanked it open.

"Hi," Jesse stood there awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck, "Is this a bad time? I can come back later...I knew you weren't going home and I checked the radio station."

"No, no it's fine! Come in," Beca started, quickly wiping at her face and attempting to clear the tear tracks, "I was just hanging out and enjoying my Kimmy Jin free time."

He chuckled lightly and sat on her bed, this time staying on the edge and not making himself comfortable. Beca took a deep breath and closed the door behind her, wiping her hands on her sweats before turning back around.

"So," she said, crossing her arms in front of her, "what's up? Sorry you caught me at a bad time, I'm super busy these days."

Jesse sighed and rubbed his face with his hands, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Becs, can we not do this? You called me twenty times today, I know there's more we need to talk about."

"It was only fifteen," she scoffed, "don't be so cocky."

"Beca!" Jesse exploded, jumping up from his seat on the bed, "Why do you do that? Can't we just have a serious talk without all your sarcastic banter?"

"But why? I'm so good at it. It's my thing." Beca didn't mean to be snarky, it just came out. It was her go to defense mechanism.

"That's it. I was an idiot to come back here; I'll see you around. I'm done."

Jesse hurried to the door, almost halfway out when she stopped him.

"Wait. Please, just wait," she begged, resisting the urge to grab his arm and pull him back to her.

He let go of the doorknob and turned back around to face her, letting the door slam behind him.

Beca moved to her bed and gingerly patted the spot next to her, wordlessly inviting him to join her. He hesitated for a moment before slowly making his way to her.

"I'm sorry. I know I've been a jerk to you, and you didn't deserve any of it. You were just trying to help."

She laced her fingers and twiddled her thumbs, staring at her them to avoid his eyes.

"I screw everything up. It's not intentional; I use sarcasm to keep people at a distance. It's just easier that way."

Jesse took a deep breath and scooted closer to her, waiting for her to move away. When she didn't, he spoke.

"Beca, I want to be there for you. But you have to trust me and know that I don't want to screw this up. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Jesse." she retorted sharply, scooting in the other direction.

"See, there you go again. Whenever anyone talks about wanting to get close to you, you shut down."

Beca sighed, getting closer and closer to giving in. He had to understand this wasn't easy, and that it seemed like every person in her life had left her.

The pair sat there in silence until she decided to speak up again.

"My parents divorced when I was ten," Beca blurted out, taking a deep breath before continuing, "Dad promised that it wouldn't affect our relationship. But then he met the stepmonster and moved here, leaving me and my Mom to pick up the pieces. She couldn't, and instead of helping me pick out colleges, she basically told me I was going to Barden to let my Dad deal with me. I'm not exactly a saint, Jesse. I did things I wasn't proud of. I was angsty and rebellious and angry, and on a path to self-destruction. I took up music as a creative outlet, and it worked. A little. But honestly?"

She looked up finally, glancing at his face. He was watching her intently.

She looked back down again, not being able to fully look at him. She knew she would break.

"I never had friends that cared this much. That wanted to help me. Amy, Chloe," her voice cracked, "You. Coming here was a game changer. For some reason you guys want to fix me. I've never had that before. I put on a front that makes me seem strong, but I'm just not."

In a matter of seonds, Jesse had closed the rest of the distance between them gathered her in his arms. He half expected her to slap him or push him away, but she didn't. She just wrapped her arms around his torso and buried her face into his chest.

"Becs," he said, squeezing her shoulders, "I want you to be comfortable around me. I want you to know that you can be human and not worry that I'm judging you, because I'm not. I just really care about you, Beca. And I want to be there for you, even if all we are is friends."

Beca sniffed and pushed him away a little to look at his face.

"Do you really think the only thing between us is friendship? Because that's not what this is. And I'm sorry that I've been fighting it off this whole year. I was an idiot."

They both laughed and Jesse leaned back against the wall, pulling Beca with him.

"You're not an idiot, Bec. You're amazing."

"And you're a cheeseball." She smiled up at him and they moved closer, this time, not pulling away. Their lips touched and what was first a soft kiss became more passionate and needy. Teeth clacked and hands roamed before Jesse pulled away, resting his forehead on hers.

"Wow," she said, taking deeps breaths, "That was unexpected."

He went back in for a kiss, and Beca pulled away quickly.

"Woah there tiger," she said, tangling her hands in his hair, "I'm exhausted and if you want to stay here, you better change into some pajamas. Kimmy Jin is coming back tomorrow and you'll be lucky if you're even allowed in the door again. She wasn't really impressed by you."

"Are you kidding? She loves me," he said, making his way to the door, "I'm aca-charming."

"You're an aca-geek." She giggled (she only seemed to do that around him) and made herself comfortable, waiting for him to come back.

"Hey Bec?"

"Yeah?"

He bent over to pick something shiny up of the floor.

"Is this my copy of The Breakfast Club?"

Beca bit her lip nervously and looked to either side.

"It might be. I may or may not have become an expert lock picker over the years. And we never finished the moviecation. I don't like leaving projects unfinished."

"You're a nerd, Beca Mitchell. A total nerd."

AN: Well, there it is! I hope you liked it, it's the first thing I've written in I think over a year. So I'm a little rusty. Forgive me! It's gotten me back into the swing of things.

Review please!


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